Friday, July 13, 2012

I'm ok

Things are getting better. I feel like I am getting back to my old self and am able to participate in life again. It's been a week since my d&c. When people ask me how I am, I can finally respond with "I'm ok", instead of crying and feeling like it will never be ok.

I have started doing things around the house and am going to start exercising and trying to lose some weight starting on Monday. I ordered a bunch of wedding pictures and have started my picture wall so I will be posting about that as soon as it's finished. I think I'm going to start Fitness Friday too and post about my weight loss and fitness goals on Fridays. I think doing things will help me to focus on other things until we can start trying again in a couple months.

I really want to thank everyone for being so supportive and for thinking of me during all of this. I especially want to thank Shana at Classic Whimsy . She has been so amazing. Every one of her comments has helped to make me feel better and I really hope she knows how big of an impact she has made. I really appreciate it.

young and restless

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Worldless Wednesday

I think I have finally stopped bleeding. I am feeling pretty good and think I have recovered physically from the D&C. My follow up appt is August 7th. I can't wait for that appt and to see what he has to say about how long we need to wait before we start trying again. We aren't allowed to have sex before that appt. I'm not even allowed to go swimming, because the water could cause an infection if my cervix is still healing.

I really hope that when we do finally get to start trying that it doesn't take too long to get pregnant. I feel like I am doing decently ok emotionally because I am just trying to think that in a couple months I'll be pregnant again and this time everything will go perfectly. If it takes awhile, like last time, I think that I'll just get more and more depressed.

I'm linking up with jenni from the blog this week and the eloping stethoscope. I've been following Jenni for awhile. She is currently pregnant and already has 2 adorable little ones. I just started following the eloping stethoscope. Paige is going to school for nursing, like I am, and I really enjoy her blog. Feel free to link up with both of them if you are looking for new followers and new blogs to read!

Blog-working Wednesday!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Saturday, July 7, 2012


The D&C went well last night. I was so nervous the whole time. They took a lot of blood for different things and I got an IV. The procedure was pretty fast and I didn't have any pain when I woke up. I got mucus in my lungs when they were removing the breathing tube so I had to stay a little longer than normal. My oxygen levels kept going down to around 80%. Today I feel ok. No cramping and only light bleeding. My throat hurts really bad from the breathing tube and my lungs still have stuff in them so whenever I take a deep breathe I have to cough.

I'm doing a lot better physically than I am emotionally. It took us 11 cycles, almost a year to get pregnant. We wanted this so bad. I did everything perfect. I drank no caffeine, ate well, drank plenty of water, and always took my vitamins. I stayed off my feet when the spotting started. I did everything the doctor said. I think when the spotting started things were already going down hill, even tho we saw/heard the heartbeat twice. I know that there must have been something wrong with the baby so this is Gods way of taking care of it. I know it's for the best, but it doesn't make it any easier. We wanted this baby so bad. My parents and Chris's parents were so excited to be grandparents. My sister and his sisters were elated to be aunts. It's so hard. I feel like I let everyone down, even tho logically I know it wasn't my fault.

I go back to the doctor in 4 weeks for a check up. I hope we can start trying again really soon after that. I want to be a mom more than anything, and this isn't going to bring me down. I know it will happen again and next time everything will be perfect.

Friday, July 6, 2012

It's Over

I had my ultrasound at 4. There was no heartbeat. I am having a D&C at 9 tonight. I have pretty much been crying ever since.

Thursday, July 5, 2012


We got back from our vacation last night and I went back to work today. Vacation was just what I needed. We spent time at the beach, walked on the boardwalk, ate way too much, slept a lot and did some window shopping. I spotted the whole time, but it wasn't enough to ruin our fun and I had no cramping.

Today at work I let my doctor know that I was on day 13 of spotting, which was more than just spotting, but still brown and not full on period. He decided to move my ultrasound to Tuesday at 9:30am instead of Wednesday at 2. Around 2:30 I started having bright red blood and I've had it all day. It's like a normal period. No cramping and no clotting. My ultrasound is now moved to tomorrow at 4pm. Chris has tomorrow off so he will get to go with me. I'm so glad he gets to go because if everything is ok he will get to see the bean and hear the heartbeat. If everything is not ok it will be nice having him with me.

I'm not leaving the doctors office until they tell me why I am bleeding. This can not be normal and if it has nothing to do with the baby, like he said last appointment, then something else must be wrong and I need to know what it is. I'm also worried about becoming anemic. Pretty sure bleeding for 13 days can cause some issues with my iron.

I don't know how I even feel right now. Everything I have read says that if you are miscarrying you will fill a pad every hour and also have really painful cramps. I'm not bleeding that bad and no cramping, so maybe everything is ok. The other part of my thinks that I must be miscarrying because why else would I be full on bleeding. It just doesn't make sense.

I am ready for everything to go back to normal. I want a normal pregnancy. I haven't had any morning sickness or any symptoms really, but I'd much rather have 24/7 morning sickness than be bleeding. This sucks.

young and restless